you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
