I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
