You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize