We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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