she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
