We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
