Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
