Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
