tell your sister to shave her snatch
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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