I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
