butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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