Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
