return my video game
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
