bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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