Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
