like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
