I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
