So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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