omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
