he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
