Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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