you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
