I wish I only lived at night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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