nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
