i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
