I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
