but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
