i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
