You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
