He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
