It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
