shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
