He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
