its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
