On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Floor bacon is actually really good
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
