Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
