and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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