I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
