I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
