the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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