rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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