Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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