those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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