sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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