she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
