i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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