I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
