I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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