It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
