Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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