Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
