the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
