I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was CRYING into my vagina
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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