Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
