Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
