he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
